weekend of July 29th, DAVES BACHELOR PARTY!!!


Friday –


I’m done with work. Not in the “the workday’s over” sort of way, but in the “my two-weeks notice is over, and I won’t be coming back next week” sort of way. Holy hell. So this morning, instead of waking up and going into work, I woke up and headed to the airport to fly to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Why Tulsa? My buddy Dave’s Bachelor party is why; he’s getting married on the 13th of this month, and thus the ancient tradition of rocking out and being manly had to be upheld, starting with a long flight to the middle of nowhere.


The days worth of flights really don’t have anything interesting with them; I flew, I napped, I ate some airport food (5 guys = tasty), I landed, and then I did it all again for the second leg of the flight. Boring. The interesting part started when I met up with Dave, Chirag, and Jeremy; I hadn’t seen any of them in nearly six months, so the reunion lasted a bit longer than is normal for four buddies meeting at the gate of an airport. After said reunion we headed to the hotel, checked Jeremy and myself in, and headed to meet Jig and grab some food – Sushi!


Yes. Sushi. In Oklahoma. Quiet you, it totally makes sense, and it was amazing. We ordered up one of the massive sushi boats for all of us, added some Calamari, Sake, and bacon Sushi (see? We really were in Oklahoma!) and chowed down. I had the fun chance to teach everyone some of the stuff I’d learned about Sake at my last booze-tasting night, and thus Jeremy and I did the most offensive impressions of Japanese men we could… I’m not proud of that moment, but it was definitely hysterical at the time 🙂


After Sushi we headed out to grab some Ice Cream and caught a movie; Cowboys and Aliens. Definitely a good movie, with rather excellent effects and an impressive cast… Harrison Ford and Daniel Craig actually worked pretty well together, though Olivia Wilde’s character was a bit more off than the story really called for… meh. Not complaining, she’s still awesome. But anyways, after the movie we headed back to the hotel to chill, relax, catch up, and finally crash for the night.



Saturday –


“Bachelor Party” does not equal “wake up early”. I like this rule, and we stuck with it for Saturday morning. Once we finally mobilized, Jeremy and I jumped in Dave’s car (he had left it with us over night) and went to meet Dave, Chirag, and Jig at Chirag’s folks place. And wow… what a house they have! Definitely a cool place, with a pretty solid layout: A fancy “showoff to guests” bottom floor, with a nice and cozy second story for the bedrooms. We chilled out for a bit while everyone was getting ready, drinking some amazing Chu Tea (like Chai tea, but 273% more awesome) and eating toast and biscuits (the British cookies kind, not the American sugary kind).


After our quite excellent breakfast we headed down to the shooting range, dealt with all the technicalities, cased up an AR-15 with red-dot sight, and hit the rifle range. The range wasn’t particularly long (60ft maybe?) but we definitely had a blast with it… Jig turned out to be a rather excellent shot once she warmed up to the idea of firing a gun. At first she was very unsure about it, but once Dave took some time to explain everything and promised her that it’d be alright she fired away, sniping chunks out of the target like a pro. Chirag ended up leaving without getting to fire the rifle (to pick Mike up from the airport), but he did try out the pistol that we had moved on to once he got back. The pistol wasn’t nearly as fun for me (I don’t really know why, but I seriously prefer rifles), but everyone else had a ball, so good times were definitely had.


After the range we picked Mike up from the hotel and headed to the next stop on our whirlwind bachelor party tour – Dave and Busters. After a quick lunch (and beers) we headed into the game room (with Beers) to rock out, play a few games, earn some tickets, and generally rock out (with Beers). Note the trend here. Dave and I started out by laying the smack down to some over-confident robots in the Terminator Salvation video game… we’d played before, but that really didn’t help our abilities much… neither did the shooting range earlier in the day. After about $15 worth of tokens we had beaten the robotic overlords and blown up their base, and moved on to the process of earning as many damn tickets as we possibly could. Once each of us had killed off our supply of tokens we headed into the winners circle to pick out a prize for the Bachelor and Bachelorette – After much deliberation we finally settled on picking up Beatles Monopoly… not something that we got to play that night, but hopefully it’ll help to keep them sane during the long and boring Oklahoma days 😛


After Dave and Busters we got together to head to the fancy steakhouse that we had reservations for… Nah. Lets go try out the Go-Karts instead! Seriously, we’re not ADD, we’re just insane (also, we had like 2 hours ’till the reservation). So off we went, to get super excited and… sit in line for nearly an hour just to get a 5min race in. Damnit! It was excellent though, at least for most of us. Jeremy was in the lead with me chasing close behind the whole time, but poor Dave and Jig somehow got the shitty cars – they got lapped at least once, and were somehow stuck in low-gear. Sucks. But anyways. After the race we grabbed some quick food (part of the cost of admission was a full buffet), and then headed out to get a real dinner at the fancy place.


Or… not. I’m still not exactly sure why, but we decided against going fancy and headed to the laid-back Mexican place that we had scheduled for the next night… not a bad thing, just a bit of a confusing thing. The food was amazing, but the service was downright shit. I actually didn’t even get my meal at first, since she forgot what I had ordered, and instead of just asking, she simply pretended I hadn’t ordered anything. Seriously. But once I did get my enchiladas I was quite happy, mostly due to the giant margarita that I had ordered 🙂


Post-dinner we jetted over to a comedy club that Jeremy had found, sat down, and proceeded to laugh our asses off and lay the smack down to some innocent bottles of Red Stripe. Seriously, these guys were amazing, and the fact that they sold Red Stripe by the bucket (5 bottles for the price of 4) combined into one hell of a good night. There were two main comedians with an MC introducing them to us… the MC was ok, but fairly fogettable. The other two guys were excellent though – actually both back from a tour in Vegas. The first main act was pretty solid, though a little bit out of our age range. He made some damn fine jokes about being old, having kids, and generally being crotchety / making funny faces. The second main act was the kick though… this guy was seriously amazing. He was quite possibly the most misogynistic comedian that I’ve heard (that’s saying a lot) but he was amazing about it, and even the ladies in the audience were pounding the tables with laughter. He snarfled (where you spit beer out your nose) at least four times, and used the greatest insult EVER; “What do you want, you Canyon-Crotch??!”. Seriously. “Canyon Crotch”.


After the show we all headed our separate ways… Dave drove us to the hotel, and Jig and Chirag headed back to their place.



Sunday –
No less epic, though slightly less full of activities, Sunday started off with the solemn adherence to the previous mornings rule, “ ‘Bachelor Party’ does not equal ‘wake up early’ ”. I did get up a bit early (read: 10:00) to go swimming for a little bit, but we were definitely not in a hurry to get ourselves moving… the reservation for the day wasn’t until 13:00, so we had plenty of time. Dave met us at the hotel so we could grab some quick food (McDonalds), and then we headed to the adventure: Paintball!


Holy Hell paintball is a great activity / sport. This was the first time I’d played, but it was definitely something I truly enjoyed… the challenge and the excitement was clearly the drug for me… the key was that during the match you don’t notice how tired or sore you are, but the moment the match is over and your sitting down relaxing? BAM! It hits you that your muscles are screaming and your lungs are on fire. A few quick notes from our many matches (we stayed longer than any other group… partially due to baller-ness, partially because we bought too much ammo)

  • First match 3v3– myself and two random guys against the other three. I swept both times.
  • Another group showed up, so the six of us went up against their seven… definitely fun and fairly even, thanks to them having three girls who were scared to get hit. Speaking of…
  • Tit-shot. Yep. Jeremy got one of the girls straight-shot to the nipple. And she wouldn’t stop whining about it, even after her friend one-upped her by getting shot in the crotch.
  • Speaking of boobs… That same girl had an amazing boob-tattoo. Yep. I know, because she decided it’d be a good idea to whip off her shirt to show the bruise that Jeremy gave her. Nice.
  • “Neon boy”… their team had one “pro” guy with all his own gear and special gun. He was a tool. A semi-good player, but a hugely sore loser. His quote “Didn’t Burst!” when he got hit. See… in his mind, if you get hit but the ball doesn’t burst, it doesn’t count. Even if your bleeding, which he was after one of Dave’s hits. Hehe.
  • Mikes gun SUCKED. Mikes second gun SUCKED. Mikes third gun SUCKED. Mikes fourth gun was awesome.
  • This was my favorite part of the party… even when I got sniped in the face by Jeremy.
  • Our last match was against some 12 to 15 year old kids, with their mom on our team. Yeah, seriously. I shot pre-teen girls in the face. It was very cathartic, just imagining that each one was one of those screaming brats in the “anywhere I want peace and quiet”

Yeah, this was a fun activity, and we all had a blast. Even Mike, who’s gun sucked most of the time.


After a quick snack we met up with Jig and Chirag by the hotel pool – Chirag had spent the morning at the Driving Range since paintball is scary, and Jig had spent the morning getting trial makeup done on her… damn the girl looked cool! See, Indian weddings aren’t as stuck up as European ones; the bride is decked out in fancy jewelry, bright colors, and non-standard makeup. As such, her makeup wasn’t intended to make her look more “realistic”, but instead to complement her dress. It looked awesome, is the baseline here. Anyways.


After we met up with Chirag and Jig we headed out. After a long debate, of course, as to what we were actually doing with the evening. We finally decided to start out with some MiniGolf and so we googled the nearest place and trucked ourselves over. And then learned, painfully, that we seriously suck at minigolf. I mean… damn. I think we went out of bounds at least once each, Mike launched his ball into the river, Chirag nearly launched his into the river twice (I rescued it), and I dropped mine into a small stream. And I came in almost 15 strokes over par. Jeremy came in at par though, so… screw him. After we turned in our clubs we chilled in the arcade for a bit, played a game of pool, watched Mike own at the batting cages, and Chirag and I played a quick shooter game. Relaxing times are good.


After leaving the minigolf hut, we cruised on over to the fancy steakhouse that Chirag had gotten us a reservation at. And damn this was a fancy place, definitely a solid choice by him; we ordered wine, appetizers, and relaxed while trying to decide what to eat. All of us guys made a fake effort to look at the menu, but when the waiter came over we all knew what we wanted – Prime Rib. But… nope. Denied. The waiter informed us that they didn’t have any prime left, that it had all been sold earlier in the day. We were obviously quite put out, and told him as such. We then asked for a discount on the Rib Eye, and proceeded to order some secondary items if he couldn’t get us the discount. A few minutes later the manager came up to apologize to us about not having the Prime, and to tell us that he couldn’t offer discounts on any meals. However, before we could tell him that we were leaving, he offered us something better; $10 off everyones meal, straight up. Seeing as the upgraded steaks that we had ordered were only $8 more… yeah, not arguing at all, that was pretty solid. So the night flew on, full of wine, steak, potatoes and amazingness.


After the meal was over (we left nearly an hour after the grill closed… thankfully the restaurant had a bar that stayed open late, so we weren’t inconveniencing them much) we headed into the parking lot to drive to our next destination; a Cigar Bar. Unfortunately, Tulsa is worse than even Boston, and even the cigar bars close at 23:00 on Sundays… it was 23:10 when we got into the cars. Thus… cigars = not so much. We moved on to googling up some hookah lounges, and were finally able to find one that was open after the second try. Turned out that this hookah bar was quite excellent, if a bit forboding – it was a very middle-eastern place, and we were the only white folks in the joint. But the owner was very friendly, gave us extremely good suggestions, and made some of the best Chai Tea that I’ve ever had. Thus, not arguing at all, even though there were WAY too many loud and annoying kids around.


We stayed for a bit over two hours, and then headed back to the hotel at 01:45. Dave crashed with us, and Chirag and Jigs were set to meet us at the hotel in the morning; so the four of us streched out for our last sleep in Tulsa… though we did have a bit of trouble, thanks to the tobacco and tea we had just had. I did finally crash though, memories of paintballs and steaks floating through my head.



Monday –


Urg… “not nearly enough sleep!” my body screamed at me as I tore myself from the bed. “Just another two years of sleep, and I’ll be fine!” it hollered. But no… we had a plane to catch, so I forced myself to move, shower, and pack myself up. Packing was a pretty quick task, thanks to the fact that I brought almost nothing, so I was ready to go in less than 15min, showered and all. The other guys took a bit longer to get ready… 20minutes for them. Slow pokes. But damn… I like traveling with guys, it makes packing and leaving so much quicker 🙂


Anyways, we met Chirag downstairs alone, unfortunately Jig had to work early, didn’t get any sleep, and thus couldn’t make it. Meh, we’d see her in less than two weeks,so not a big problem. We all trucked ourselves over to the airport double-time, and got there with almost an hour and a half to spare before Jeremy’s flight, which means… BREAKFAST! A quick chillout in line for a rediculously slow breakfast joint at the airport lead to a tasty bagel with cream cheese and orange juice for me, and breakfast sandwiched for the guys. The rest of the stay at the airport was quick and painless… Jeremy caught his flight home, and Mike and I headed in, relaxed, and chilled out while waiting for our flight.


The flights home were pretty status-quo, nothing really to be said for them. They worked, though our leg home was delayed pretty impressively (from leaving at 9:00 to leaving at 11:30) thanks to some storms. I read my way through the book “Sh*t my dad says”, an amazingly hilarious set of quotes from a guys extremely blunt father… I like the guy, and I can definitely see why they chose William Shatner to play him on TV. What else… nothing much, really. We talked, napped, relaxed, and generally had a good time while getting home… the flights were fairly quick (if cutting some of the connections a bit close) and the landings successful, so in the end, thats all you need to worry about, right?



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