Since Waikiki is such a tourist town, there are dozens of nightclubs up and down the main street… much like Las Vegas or Atlantic City, but with beaches. The atmosphere itself isn’t honestly much different from what I got used to living in a freshmen dorm at college – as my friends and I walked down the street looking for dinner we heard parties raging all around us, and even got into a few shouted conversations with people leaning over hotel railings. It was spring-break all over again; fitting, since I believe that week actually is spring break for a few colleges, if the number of drunken frat / sorority members is any indication.

But nights on the town in Waikiki were quite good, even with the large number of drunkards around. You see… as Physics 101 taught me, “everything’s relative”. As in, if you’re the sober one, and blessed with just a wee bit of insanity, hanging around drunk people can be hysterical. And when a whole group of those drunk people are your Swedish friends, who used to be in the Swedish Military and are convinced that they can drink harder than anyone else in existence… well, lets just say that a night on the town can take a whole new meaning.

These guys were amazing party partners – We had already spent most of that night hanging out and trading stories, so by the time we headed out we all knew each other semi-well (Ed Note: It’s a unique thing about hostels, You know someone for 2 hours and suddenly you’re partying as if you’d known each other since pre-school). First up we checked out a burger joint right across the main street from our hostel – a rather iconic place called “Da Big Kahuna”.

Now, as anyone who’s seen Pulp Fiction knows, an extremely tasty burger is to be found at “Da Big Kahuna”… but what you may not realize is that this burger is actually named “Da Big Kahuna Burger”, and it’s a freaking massive stack of saturated fat and death… a massive stack that tastes like a rather well sized slice of heaven. And with this burger? Well, that’s where I remembered the best part about spring break – the insane discounts on alcohol. A Mai Tai for $2? Yes please! And I even tied the stem into a knot with my tongue… all the guys made fun of me until they realized that the women at the table were now all competing to see who could replicate my feat the fastest. Mmhmm… win.

For the rest of the night we wandered around, checking out the clubs and bars, the tiki lounges and the more relaxed joints. Of the night, I have to say that the best moment was hanging out in an old-school Irish bar, chatting with the only other New Englander in the entire place about how the bar was billed as an “authentic Irish baahh” complete with all the best furnishings, and yet the bartenders needed to be reminded what a Black & Tan is. The worst moment was about two hours later, when we’re hanging out a lounge with a huge number of well-dressed women… and then reading a flashing sign on the bar reading “Lo Jax! Honolulu’s #1 Tranny Bar 5 years in a row!” … Yeah. Was not happy with the girls who had brought us there. And seriously… worst Mai Tai’s ever. Horrid drinks.

The best side-story of the night comes from one of the ladies who was wandering around with us – it turns out that she was only 20, and had obtained a fake ID while still in Europe for just the occasion of drinking in the USA (FBI / CIA Operatives – I don’t know her name, and I don’t condone this action. Give me a call, maybe we can find this horrible person together… I get spy-gear, right? Right. Clearly). However, this ID was from a country that doesn’t exist: “the eastern republic of East Franzia” or something to that effect. The first bouncer at a place called “Senor Frogs” took one look at it, didn’t recognize the country, and pulled out his smart phone. After being unable to find the place on Google, he called her out and sent us all on our way. Seriously… that is one awesome bouncer. Annoying, but seriously a pretty boss guy to actually check to see if a country is legit.